人生

13 February 20, 2.03am Examination result is going to come out in less than 24 hours. I'm really scared of how calm I am right now. This calmness is almost the same as when I was waiting for my examination result in my fourth semester in diploma and, when the result came out, I got a GPA below than 3.5. It's weird. I'm currently pursuing my Bachelor Degree and I've gotten Dean's List for the past three semesters and I was so nervous for my whole semester break waiting for it to come out.  Does this mean that I won't get a Dean's List for this semester? If so, then there goes another dream of mine staying a dream forever.  During my diploma graduation, I had to line up exactly behind graduates who had received the Vice Chancellor's Awards. It was painful having to watch how I could've been one of them if I had done a little bit better during my fourth semester. My parents were hoping for me to get the award too and that made it more painf...

12 February 20, 1.34am I wonder how many times have I started a new blog. I have deleted a few and I still keep the very first one I made almost ten years ago. Went through it just now and I guess it's safe to say that I have changed a little bit judging from how I expressed myself. Anyway, I think it's been two years since I last updated my blog (the old one). Haven't posted anything after that although I made a promise to myself to update at least every week. So many things happened and so many things learned. I will be starting my internship in less than two weeks. Feeling a little bit scared and a little bit excited. I still can't stop hating the fact that I haven't graduated yet though. God, when am I going to be fully independent?  It's already 2020. Still can't believe I have lived this far. I wonder if the premonition that I won't be able to live past 40 is going to come true. I'm going to turn 23 this year and I think I have been ab...