umpteenth beginning
12 February 20, 1.34am
I wonder how many times have I started a new blog. I have deleted a few and I still keep the very first one I made almost ten years ago. Went through it just now and I guess it's safe to say that I have changed a little bit judging from how I expressed myself. Anyway, I think it's been two years since I last updated my blog (the old one). Haven't posted anything after that although I made a promise to myself to update at least every week. So many things happened and so many things learned. I will be starting my internship in less than two weeks. Feeling a little bit scared and a little bit excited. I still can't stop hating the fact that I haven't graduated yet though. God, when am I going to be fully independent?
It's already 2020. Still can't believe I have lived this far. I wonder if the premonition that I won't be able to live past 40 is going to come true. I'm going to turn 23 this year and I think I have been able to make myself clear on what I wish in life. I was still in high school when I naively thought that I already have a clear mission in life. Finally got slapped with reality after pursuing my Bachelor Degree and so here I am now. The way I think have changed a lot. I'm happy with that, but I still miss the naive brat that I was. It was good to be able to dream without learning what savagery this world could bring in life.
I was praying just now and got so many ideas on what to update in my new blog post, but now that I'm already sitting in front of my laptop, nothing comes to mind. It's getting hard to elaborate things down now that I have so many responsibilities I have to stress on so much.
Recently, I'm so into a new pop group called J01. They are just about to start their debut this spring, so I can't really say that I'm a big fan yet. I guess I'm just excited to see how my favourites (Mame, Ren, Takumi, & Shion) are going to perform in their MVs. It's kinda refreshing to have a favourite Japanese group after so many Korean ones. As much as I'm going to love this group, I feel like I don't want to fangirl about it with other people. Somehow, when I keep something as a secret, it feels like it will turn into something that I will properly treasure in life. I get tired of something real fast when I share it with other people.
Since I'm on my semester break, I got to read a lot of manga. But I couldn't find any which has a good plot other than Plunderer. Makes me want to reread the old ones that I've kept in my favourite list but it would feel like a responsibility instead of a hobby if I do that. Still searching for good stories accompanied with contemporary artwork style, but every time I realize that it's less than two weeks left before my internship starts, I don't feel like reading anything anymore. But manga is the only thing that can make me forget all difficulties and maintain an optimistic view in life, so I have to work on this myself.
Now that I'm talking about manga, my taste has switched from shoujo to josei a lot. I found adult characters appealing instead of the ones below 18 years old somehow. Must be because of how much I can relate with characters who have a lot of responsibilities in life. Well, it's still early to call mine "a lot" but I guess I'm feeling a bit anxious about what's to come. I didn't care much about manga characters when I was in high school for as long as they have a logical and positive outlook in life. This is another reason why I would like to turn back time if it's possible. I don't like how the amount of responsibilities that I'm gaining is affecting my hobby, which is the only thing that I can depend on for a short getaway in life.
It's 2.27am now. Currently in my room, typing this down while munching on a snack that has gone cold in this air-conditioned room. I need to get rid of my habit when it comes to updating blog. I have always updated almost all kind of topics in a single entry. Need to make sure I separate it properly. I'll stop this here. Will update about other things in other entries.
Recently, I'm so into a new pop group called J01. They are just about to start their debut this spring, so I can't really say that I'm a big fan yet. I guess I'm just excited to see how my favourites (Mame, Ren, Takumi, & Shion) are going to perform in their MVs. It's kinda refreshing to have a favourite Japanese group after so many Korean ones. As much as I'm going to love this group, I feel like I don't want to fangirl about it with other people. Somehow, when I keep something as a secret, it feels like it will turn into something that I will properly treasure in life. I get tired of something real fast when I share it with other people.
Since I'm on my semester break, I got to read a lot of manga. But I couldn't find any which has a good plot other than Plunderer. Makes me want to reread the old ones that I've kept in my favourite list but it would feel like a responsibility instead of a hobby if I do that. Still searching for good stories accompanied with contemporary artwork style, but every time I realize that it's less than two weeks left before my internship starts, I don't feel like reading anything anymore. But manga is the only thing that can make me forget all difficulties and maintain an optimistic view in life, so I have to work on this myself.
Now that I'm talking about manga, my taste has switched from shoujo to josei a lot. I found adult characters appealing instead of the ones below 18 years old somehow. Must be because of how much I can relate with characters who have a lot of responsibilities in life. Well, it's still early to call mine "a lot" but I guess I'm feeling a bit anxious about what's to come. I didn't care much about manga characters when I was in high school for as long as they have a logical and positive outlook in life. This is another reason why I would like to turn back time if it's possible. I don't like how the amount of responsibilities that I'm gaining is affecting my hobby, which is the only thing that I can depend on for a short getaway in life.
It's 2.27am now. Currently in my room, typing this down while munching on a snack that has gone cold in this air-conditioned room. I need to get rid of my habit when it comes to updating blog. I have always updated almost all kind of topics in a single entry. Need to make sure I separate it properly. I'll stop this here. Will update about other things in other entries.
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